Navigating Mom Guilt: 4 Main Causes and 7 Effective Strategies for Overcoming It

Motherhood is a journey filled with many emotions, as I’m sure you know. Between many beautiful moments, you may sometimes feel like you’re not doing enough as a parent. That feeling is what we’ve grown to call mom guilt. 

If you've felt mom guilt, you’re not alone. Whether you’re a mom, dad, or guardian, being a parent isn’t easy. I know sometimes we feel alone in our guilt because most people share only the best parts of their days. In reality, all you want to be is the best parent you can be. Same here, friend. We can work on overcoming mom guilt together.

I’m Briggiette – a momma of two kiddos and a parenting copywriter. Meaning I get to work from home. And while I’m blessed to be able to do this, I also feel a pang of immense guilt when I have to work rather than play with my little ones. But I’ve been focusing on balancing the work-from-home and mom life better while also tackling my mom guilt. 

That’s why I’m sharing the realities of mom guilt today – if you know me, you know I love to get real about things. And I also love sharing, so I’ll share proven strategies to help you overcome this nagging monster we call mom guilt. 

The Reality of Mom Guilt

Mom guilt is having feelings of guilt and shame for not exceeding expectations as a parent. Whether you or others have set those expectations. Many, if not all, moms have mom guilt at one time or another. Unfortunately, it is common. 

But there’s a positive aspect to mom guilt I think we don’t look at too often. Feelings of guilt show that you want to do the best you can and putting in effort is what matters. No one is perfect, and your kiddos are not expecting perfection. 

So, let’s get into what mom guilt truly means. 

Defining Mom Guilt

Mom guilt comes from the purest intentions of doing your best for your children. You love and care for your child deeply – sometimes it can lead to questioning and criticizing your own parenting choices. Man, I’ve been here many times. 

In these instances, there’s a combination of feelings, including: 

• Guilt

• Self-doubt

• Anxiety

• Shame

• Insecurity 

• …and more 

It’s the worst type of cocktail! 😂

But this shows just how much you love your little ones. And how much effort you put into providing a great life for them. I’m proud of you, momma, and I’m sending you big hugs because there are so many emotional impacts of feeling mom guilt. 

The Emotional Impact of Mom Guilt

As a mom of two, I’ve definitely felt mom guilt more times than I’d like to admit. It can feel overwhelming and can really take a toll on us. You may not always feel mom guilt, but it’s enough to significantly impact you when you do feel it. 

Mom guilt can manifest in many different ways in your life, such as:

• Self-esteem – Withdrawing from social activities such as playdates or family gatherings where you worry something will be said about your parenting style.

• Mental health – Worrying about every decision can lead to anxiety and depression. This can lead to moments of overwhelm causing you to lash out at your kids and withdraw yourself emotionally.

• Physical health – You may become consumed with prioritizing your kid’s well-being and neglect your own. This can lead to a weakened immune system and you may get sick often or constant headaches. 

• Stress and anxiety – If you’re a working mom, you may be struggling to find a balance between home life and work. If you’re a stay-at-home mom, you may be struggling with not contributing financially to your family. This makes it harder to fully enjoy spending time with your children or anyone. 

• Motherhood journey – The constant feelings of guilt can be so overwhelming that you won’t be able to focus on the joys of being a mother. This can lead to you focusing on the negative and not enjoying all the little things and big milestones in your child’s life and motherhood.

• Relationships (partner, family, friends, and children) – You may lash out or withdraw yourself from your partner, family, or friends. You may also not want to go out without your kids because of the constant feeling of not doing good enough for your kids.

I know you can’t push aside those feelings, but you can try your best to manage mom guilt. As someone going through it, I’m here to tell you that it’s possible, friend. So let’s get into the how! 

Exploring the 4 Main Causes of Mom Guilt

Acknowledging and understanding the feelings contributing to mom guilt is the first step in overcoming it. Many things can cause mom guilt. Let’s dive into four of the main causes:

1. Self-Critiquing and Comparing: With the internet and social media growing, you find yourself comparing your parenting to others. Comparing will lead you to question your decisions and feel like you’re not enough. 

   Please remember that most people only share the happy moments in their lives. Every family is different and can be dealing with their own challenges. 

2. Balancing Home and Work Life: Finding a balance between your work and home life can lead to feeling guilty. Many moms feel the pressure of having to work to provide for their families (guilty, here). They also feel guilty about missing out on important parts of their kids’ lives. 

   If you’re balancing work and home, you’re doing your best for your family. Remember to focus on quality time with your children, not the quantity of time. You’ve got this, friend.

3. Societal Expectations: Mothers feel that they have to be perfect for their family and in the eyes of others (pointing at myself here). Perfection isn’t possible, and it isn’t the goal. It may be hard to remember that when you see moms doing something different than you online. 

   Sometimes, your parents, grandparents, or friends question your decisions, and you have to stand strong. Explain your reasoning to them. Times have changed, and you’re doing what’s best for your family right now. Remember to trust your gut and don’t fall for those “perfect” mom stories.

4. Focusing on Mistakes: Now that you’re a mom, you may feel more pressure in your daily decisions. Every mom, every person, makes mistakes. Don’t focus on the mistakes you make. Mistakes are just learning lessons. So, acknowledge the mistake, learn from it, and accept that it’s a part of parenting. 

   Please remember that it is okay to admit you messed up and apologize to your child. Tell them you are trying your best to do better. It’s better to be transparent with your kiddo in the long run. 

By understanding the root causes of mom guilt, you can better understand your feelings and how they influence your mom guilt. That’s why we’re exploring some strategies to help you feel more confident as a mother and overcome mom guilt.

7 Effective Strategies for Overcoming Mom Guilt

Overcoming these emotions is challenging, but it’s key to enjoying motherhood. And I want you to enjoy this journey – you deserve it. Let’s discuss seven strategies that can help you have confidence in your decisions. 

1. Prioritize Self-Care: Yes, you are a mom, but you are also more than that. Dedicate time for yourself where you focus on doing something you want to do – not errands or chores. You could read a book, go for a walk, take a bubble bath, meditate, or take on a hobby. 

   Don’t be afraid to ask for help from family or friends to make sure you have time to care for yourself. Also, be sure to make your well-being a priority too. I know it can be easy to put yourself on the back burner to care for your kids, but you have to be healthy to be helpful. Taking time for yourself ensures you’re the best version of yourself for everyone.

2. Embrace Flexibility: Life and parenting don’t always go as planned. No matter how much you plan, things happen. Embracing flexibility and adapting to changes throughout the day helps you reduce stress and the pressure of everything going smoothly.

   And hey, sometimes these unpredictable moments bring about the best memories. 

3. Set Realistic Expectations: Along with being flexible, set realistic expectations so you’re not disappointed when something goes wrong. Remember that perfection is not what you’re reaching for. You want quality memories with your kids rather than stressful ones. If things don’t go as planned, it’s okay. Focus on your progress.

4. Limit Comparisons: It’s easier said than done, but try to avoid comparing yourself to other moms. Every family is different, and what may work for them may not work for you. Instead of comparing, focus on your own motherhood journey and think about all the good you have done for your family.

5. Celebrate Every Win: No matter how small, celebrate every win. Whether you managed to handle a tantrum well, remembered to do laundry, or spent some quality time with your kids, acknowledge all those wins, no matter how big or small. And if you didn’t get much done except be couch potatoes with your kiddos while still managing to feed them, that’s a pretty big win in my book, too. 

6. Seek Support: Sometimes it can feel like you’re in your own world and others may not understand. Communicate your feelings with your partner, family, or friends. They may be more understanding than you think. You could also find new mom friends or a support group of moms, local or online, where you can speak freely with no judgment. 

   If you feel that all the emotions of mom guilt are becoming too much, please don’t be afraid to seek professional help. Your mental health matters.

7. Reflect on Your Strengths: Think about all your wins and all the progress you’ve made as a mother. You can list your strengths, qualities, and successes to help you regain confidence in your choices. Think back on the things you’ve overcome as a mother and all your children’s milestones you’ve been there for. 

   Don’t focus on any mistakes, especially if you have learned from them. Reflect on your growth as a mother and a woman, and you’ll realize you have done so much for your family.

Most importantly, give yourself grace. Remember that feeling mom guilt results from you wanting to be the best mom you can be for your children.

You’re Not Alone

There are many words to describe motherhood, and although it may be challenging, it is amazing. It is filled with much love, laughter, and tears. The truth is there are many happy moments in parenting but many hard ones as well. 

Parenting is different for everyone, but you’re not alone in feeling mom guilt. And you’re definitely not alone in your struggles as a parent. Please remember that mom guilt does not define you. You are doing your best, and that is enough!

Please feel free to share this blog with any mom or parent who may benefit from the strategies for overcoming mom guilt. Because over on this side of the internet, we’re creating a village of supportive parents and friends. 

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